First Letter to the Corinthians -- Chapter 7
Having urged the Corinthians to live in moderation while honoring God with their bodies, Paul continues on to discuss a topic that brings out passion and emotion like few others: marriage. “Now for the matters you wrote about” (1 Corinthians 7:1). Because the Corinthians had written to Paul in regards to marriage he gives them a lengthy discussion about all the facets of marriage and how we as followers of Christ are to approach the subject. Paul begins his discussion with the thesis and heart of his entire point, a point that is difficult and hard for so many to digest: “It is good for a man not to marry” (1 Corinthians 7:1). Because Paul didn’t want to have his words distorted he starts out with unmatched clarity as he strikes right to the difficult heart of the matter. It is simply good for man not to marry. Period, end of story. However, this does not mean that it is “bad” to marry, Paul is simply stating that being single is a very good thing. The “not to marry” here also means a lot more than simply refraining from joining in a life long union with a spouse; it means that it is God-pleasing for a person to be completely chaste, not having sexual relations of any kind (all types and manifestations!) with anyone (or anything!) whatsoever. In the Scriptures, to be “single” and “not to marry” means that we refrain from sexual relations altogether.
Without further elaboration on this main point (because he will come back to it several times) Paul continues: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). In the face of the great sexual immorality that was taking place in Corinth (even within the church), Paul urges the Corinthians to strict monogamy within God’s plan of marriage. Because sexual desires were raging uncontrolled Paul feels the best course of action is for each Corinthian to take one wife or husband. In order to quell the rabid lusts of the Corinthians Paul goes on to stress the importance of husband and wife coming together sexually so that they do not have unfulfilled desires to lead them astray and into sin: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Because Paul realized the lack of self-control among the Corinthians (and among us!) he urges them to recognize that within marriage our bodies are no longer our own, they also belong to our spouse. Therefore sex must never, ever be used as a “weapon.” A spouse must never conditionally withhold sex in order to have control in the relationship by using it as a sort of “bargaining chip.” By joining in marriage we automatically consent for our bodies to be at the “disposal” of our spouse in order to fulfill their sexual needs. This does not mean that physical abuse or rabid insatiable lust is “ok” within marriage, but it simply means that one’s spouse is to be the lone, unconditional, and consistent “outlet” for sexual urges (obviously staying within moderation and temperance). In order to be crystal clear to his greater point Paul states that his urging of each person to have their own spouse is only a concession (due to sin) and not a command. “I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (1 Corinthians 7:6-7). Paul’s first desire is that we should be single as he is, having the gift of sexual self-control from God. Paul wants us to know that marriage is not a command from God, but that it is a gift (the Greek word for gift means “a favor which one receives without any merit of his own”) along with being single. This means that according to Paul (the Scriptures!) there are simply two “options” and “gifts” for the follower of Christ in this realm: a monogamous, lifelong marriage or complete and total chastity (which he urges in his main point). Therefore we must not think that we “have to” get married in order to be pleasing to God. Often times the pressures from society and “Christian culture” make us believe that marriage (and having a family) is the only acceptable and God-pleasing status, when in reality singleness is a specific and blessed gift that is also given by God above. One of the greatest idolatries in the Christian world comes in the form of spouse and children, as people either covet and desire to have these relationships (more than God Himself!) or hold the ones that they do have in higher priority than Christ. So many people say God comes before family, but in reality this is only lip-service, for their true god is their family (but more on this later).
Continuing on Paul speaks directly to those who have not married and to those whose spouse has died: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:8). Paul once again reiterates that it is good to remain single and unmarried. The Greek for “good” means “praiseworthy, excellent in its nature, genuine, approved, beautiful by reason of purity of heart and life, honorable, commendable, and admirable.” This means that singleness is not just “another lifestyle choice” but is in fact highly regarded and esteemed by God. Jesus Christ Himself taught that one who can accept renouncing marriage and sexual relations for the kingdom of heaven should do so: “The disciples said to him, ‘If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.’ Jesus replied, ‘Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it’” (Matthew 19:10-12). From Christ’s words we can clearly see that some people have been given the word and gift of God to renounce marriage so that they may fully devote themselves to the Lord (Paul touches on these benefits later on this chapter), and therefore those who have been given this word should accept it with praise and thanksgiving. The prophet Isaiah also spoke of the special promise God has given to eunuchs (those without spouse, child, or sexual relations): “This is what Yahweh says: ‘To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose what pleases me and hold fast to my covenant—to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off’” (Isaiah 56:4-5). Therefore it is imperative for us to recognize the special honor that God holds for those who renounce sexual relations and marriage for the sake of the kingdom. God truly has a special place for those who willingly give up having spouse, children, and a loving family situation in order to serve God with complete focus.
However we must also be careful to realize that this call to singleness is not for everyone or given to everyone; Paul therefore gives an important caveat in which marriage is indeed the better choice: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). It is always a better choice to get married and remain in a monogamous relationship than to practice promiscuous sexual behavior and immorality. Paul specifically uses the word “burn” here for a couple reasons: 1) to describe the raging sexual lusts of the flesh that lead so many to sexual deviance 2) “burn” is also used in order to illustrate what will happen if we continue in our sexual immorality and passionate lusts; that is, we will burn in the fires of eternal punishment. This is some heavy law from Paul, as he intends to make sure that we clearly see the true sinfulness and depravity of our sexual lust and immorality. He wants us to make sure that we do not renounce marriage if we cannot control our sexual desires thru God’s daily gift and grace of self-control. It is far worse to try to renounce marriage (when one has not been given that gift or calling) and then fall into depravity than to get married in order to have an outlet for one’s sexual urgings. Therefore let us pray that thru the cross of Christ (which saves us from and forgives all our sexual deviance) that we hear the Word and call of God in our life, accepting either the monogamous, lifelong marriage He has given us (remaining faithful and controlled within it), or relying daily on the sufficient grace of God to keep us firm in our stand and battle for complete chastity. “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
Thru all the previous discussion on the blessedness of singleness we must not think that Paul is belittling the institution of marriage. God Himself instituted and gave us the gift of marriage even before man fell into sin, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), creating woman specifically to be a suitable helper of man: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Paul himself also spoke of how forbidding marriage is a sign of false teachings and lies: “The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth” (1 Timothy 4:1-3). Therefore Paul continues on in his letter to the Corinthians by addressing those who have been given the special gift of marriage: “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). Paul specifically starts out by declaring that what he is saying is not his own advice but is in fact the very command of the Lord Himself: Do not divorce. Paul also states (in accordance with the teaching of Christ) that if separation or divorce does occur that the partner who leaves or separates must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to their spouse. In short, one must not leave their spouse in order to marry another; no matter how much we don’t “like” or are annoyed at our marriage that is never, ever an excuse to separate or divorce. In his letter to the Romans Paul speaks of how death is the only God-pleasing way in which we are released from the bondage of marriage: “By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man” (Romans 7:2-3). Being that we are bound for life thru marriage and that it is not absolved thru any whim or choice of man, adultery becomes the subsequent result and consequence of remarriage. God does not desire for us to have multiple spouses or partners in life, He desires a single lifelong marriage between husband and wife. We must get thru our stubborn heads that marriage is for life, and that the words “till death do us part” are meant to represent this desire of God. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). An old Russian proverb illustrates how seriously we need to take the bond of marriage (because God does!): “Before embarking on a journey, pray once. Before leaving for war, pray twice. But before you marry, pray three times!”
In the Gospels of Mark and Luke we see Christ’s strong words against divorce and the destruction of marriage: “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Luke 16:18). However, in Matthew’s Gospel Christ does make one “exception” to this rule and it is revealed in the most detail during a conversation with the Pharisees who were trying to trap Him. The Pharisees asked Christ: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” (Matthew 19:3). Christ replied: “Haven't you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:4-6). Jesus responds in the same way that we all should to all questions, by quoting the Scriptures. Thru His quotes Christ shows that the Scriptures declare that marriage is God’s institution that is meant to be a lifelong union. If God has joined a man and woman in marriage then we must not separate and destroy that union. Not happy with this response the Pharisees continued: “Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” (Matthew 19:7). Jesus replied: “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9). Divorce was permitted in the old covenant only because of the hardened hearts of the Israelites; it was not permitted because it was God-pleasing. God Himself has declared once and for all: “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16). This stands for all time and for all situations; even if God allows divorce as an option in certain circumstances, it doesn’t mean He likes divorce. Christ however speaks of an exception when divorce is “optional” in the eyes of God when He says “except for marital unfaithfulness.” This exception means simply this: the party that is deserted and betrayed thru adultery is allowed the concession of divorce. Does this mean that divorce is “God-pleasing” in this circumstance? No, it simply means that God allows for a man or woman to divorce their spouse where their spouse has broken the marriage vow and joined themselves in fornication with another person. In the Sermon on the Mount we see this exception reiterated: “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). Does this mean that God desires divorce? Absolutely not. He simply is allowing the party that was betrayed to remove themselves from the marriage, if such an act is deemed necessary.
Continuing on Paul speaks to the situation where a believer and an unbeliever are joined in marriage. Paul starts out this section by stating that the Lord has not specifically addressed this topic. However, being that Paul is in fact the called Apostle of Jesus Christ we can thoroughly trust his judgment and advice while he speaks under the drawing along of the Holy Spirit (which he testifies to at the end of the chapter). “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him” (1 Corinthians 7:12-13). Paul urges anyone who is married to remain so, even if they are not married to a fellow believer. This recommendation testifies to how highly God feels towards the lifelong union of marriage, for He desires the marriage bond to remain even when both partners are not followers of Christ. This also reiterates that divorce must never occur for our own man-made reasons, as the Corinthians were clearly trying to weasel out of their marriages using the excuse that their spouses were unbelievers. This is clearly not an acceptable reason for divorce in God’s eyes.
Paul then goes on to explain why this union of marriage should remain: “For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:14-16). Thru the influence, actions, words, and quiet witness of the believing spouse the unbelieving spouse (and children!) may be touched by the grace of God revealed thru them. It is for this reason that one should make every effort to remain within any marriage. However if the unbeliever leaves and deserts us (this desertion does include cases of physical abuse, for clearly one who abuses their spouse has already deserted them) we should let them go, for there is no use trying to force someone to remain in a marriage when they have clearly abandoned all effort towards it. Does this mean that the believer who is abandoned is free to remarry just like the one who is betrayed and cheated thru adultery? Yes, it means that if a person is maliciously deserted by their spouse that they are freed from the bond of marriage. It is very important to note that this is in truth the same exception that Christ made in the Gospel of Matthew. The exception for adultery (marital unfaithfulness) is at its core the same exception as malicious desertion. They both simply mean this: If one is abandoned in their marriage against their will, by way of their spouse committing adultery or through malicious desertion, then they are given the concession to free themselves of this marriage bond. Does this mean they should divorce? Absolutely not, they should always first try to save the marriage. Does this mean they should remarry in the event of divorce? Absolutely not, God’s will and Word must be explored before diving into another marriage. In fact we see Paul throughout this chapter urging those who are single to remain so if at all possible. However, those who are abandoned or betrayed thru adultery are free to divorce and remarry if it is in fact God’s will for their life. The key is to truly seek God’s will for the situation and not to selfishly do what is “easy” or what our flesh desires. To fully understand this we need to look at God Himself and the example He has set. Looking to the words of the prophet Jeremiah we see that God in fact “divorced” Israel and all of mankind because of our unfaithfulness, desertion, and rejection of Him: “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries…like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel” (Jeremiah 3:8, 20). Because of our adulteries towards Him, God rightfully and justly divorced us so that we would see the error of our ways, punishing and breaking down our self-righteousness with His law. Did God remarry? No. God graciously and undeservingly reconciled the marriage thru His Son Jesus Christ, bringing back us adulterous and rebellious sinners into His loving arms and relationship without any work of our own. “‘Return, faithless people,’ declares Yahweh, ‘for I am your husband. I will choose you’” (Jeremiah 3:14). It is this great example of grace and forgiveness seen in the Cross of Jesus Christ that should be our guide and focus at all times. We should therefore approach all our relationships and searching for God’s will with this in mind. Let us pray that as we rely on the loving reconciliation that Christ has done for us on the cross that we too reach out to reconcile all the broken relationships in our lives with the grace and forgiveness He has given us thru our Baptism. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-27).
Having discussed the tough subject of divorce, Paul continues on to discuss how each one of us should remain in the place we have been called to: “Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches” (1 Corinthians 7:17). It is a very real temptation for us as Christians to try and break away from the situation we have been placed in and called to in life. We think that because of the great internal transformation that has taken place in Christ Jesus that we need to somehow exercise this transformation outwardly by changing our life circumstances. Paul therefore urges us to not get carried away by trying to do something radical or fanatical, falsely thinking that is what Christ demands. “Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts” (1 Corinthians 7:18-19). The call and grace of Christ given thru His Word and Baptism is what matters. After we have received this call our situation and the other peripherals of our circumstances don’t really matter. What matters is that thru the cross and the grace given us thru the call of Christ that we live for God’s will and commands today, relying on what Christ has already done once and for all on our behalf. “Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave” (1 Corinthians 7:20-22). By using slaves as an example (because of all people they should truly desire to change their circumstances!) Paul illustrates how we should view our situation in life. We should be content with the fact that no matter our station or blessings (or perceived lack thereof) in this life that we are the richest men in the world because of the cross. Remember Paul’s words to the Corinthians earlier in this letter? “Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich!” (1 Corinthians 4:8). We don’t need to get out of the perceived dregs of this life because we already have the immeasurable and incomparable hope and promise of eternal bliss thru Jesus Christ! However, if a change of situation does present itself and it is in accordance with God’s will (after much prayer and searching of God’s Word) then we should follow it wholeheartedly, realizing that God sometimes calls us to big changes and moves in our life. “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’” (Isaiah 30:21).
Paul continues on: “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to” (1 Corinthians 7:23-24). Paul’s overarching point that we need to grasp is that Christ has reconciled all things (ourselves included) to the Father thru His blood and therefore we do not have to do anything radical to be in a right standing with God. We don’t have to run off, sell everything, and become a monk in order to please God; Jesus Christ has already done all the necessary work on our behalf. One of the most important “rediscoveries” during the Reformation was the re-realization that according to the Scriptures we don’t have to all be monks, priests, or nuns in order to please God. God has called men to all different types of jobs, stations, and walks of life so that we can serve Him in the small area and bubble that He has specifically given to us. God has given us the specific gifts and situation in which we reside because He desires a witness of His love in that very situation. Only you are in the exact calling and place that you currently occupy (along with the exact gifts and talents you have been given!) and therefore God wants (and needs) to use you there for His purposes in Jesus Christ. If we run away from where we have been placed and called then we will be abandoning an area where God desires us to be a witness for Him.
With this in mind Paul continues: “Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned” (1 Corinthians 7:25-28). Paul doesn’t want us to try and change our situation, he wants us to be content with what God has given us as we work for His glory there. If God wants us to move in life and to change callings then God will make it happen. We however must not try to control our life, we need to surrender it completely into the hands of God. “Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is Yahweh’s purpose that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21). Dietrich Bonhoeffer spoke of how no amount of our own fanatical choices and living can accomplish God’s will and how we must rely on the call of Christ that comes thru the cross: “If a drunkard signs the pledge, or a rich man gives all his money away, they are both of them freeing themselves from their slavery to alcohol or riches, but not from bondage to themselves. They are still moving in their own little orbit, perhaps even more than they were before. They are still subject to the commandment of works, still as submerged in the death of the old life as they were before…Obedience to the call of Jesus never lies within our own power. If, for instance, we give away all our possessions, that is not in itself the obedience He demands. In fact such a step might be the precise opposite of obedience to Jesus, for we might be choosing a way of life for ourselves, some Christian ideal, or some ideal of Franciscan poverty. Indeed the very act of giving away his goods a man can give allegiance to himself and to an ideal and not to the command of Jesus. He is not set free from his own self but still more enslaved to himself. The step into the situation where faith is possible is not an offer which we can make to Jesus, but always His gracious offer to us. Only when the step is taken in this spirit is it admissible. But in that case we cannot speak of a freedom of choice on our part.” Thru these powerful words from Bonhoeffer we can see how the call of Christ and the station which we have been given in life is where God wants us to be and to remain until “further notice.” We are not here to control what happens in our life, we are here to simply listen to the call of Christ thru the Word of God. God doesn’t want us to make a “call” of our own, He wants us to eagerly wait for His call ready to answer with the words of Isaiah: “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8). Therefore Paul is urging the Corinthians (and us) to rest content on God and His promises and call. It is only in the grace of Christ that we can be perfectly satisfied, happy, content, and fulfilled in the “here and now”, in the place we have been called to today. If we are unfulfilled we can be assured that it is not because of our external situation, it is the void deep in our heart that is caused by sin. Why do we think that if we are currently unsatisfied that some outward circumstance will miraculously change our discontentment? No amount of change in our outward life can change and fulfill what only God’s grace can. The Scriptures are clear: only Jesus Christ can fill the void and emptiness that haunts the inner depths of our souls. “The fear of Yahweh leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble” (Proverbs 19:23). “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5). It is on the promise of Jesus Christ that we must fall, giving our entire lives into His hands to hold in safekeeping. Bonhoeffer spoke of this confidence that is found in the cross: “If we fall into the hands of men, and meet suffering and death from their violence, we are none the less certain that everything comes from God. The same God who sees no sparrow fall to the ground without His knowledge and will, allows nothing to happen, except it be good and profitable for His children and the cause for which they stand. We are in God’s hands. Therefore, ‘Fear not.’” Like Bonhoeffer we know that God works all things to our good and benefit; He is the One in control. “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Therefore let us pray that like the Apostle Paul we learn thru Jesus Christ to be content in every situation and circumstance of this life, remaining and working in the place of our calling while resting on the power and strength that comes thru the grace of the cross. “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11-13).
Having taught us the importance of remaining in the situation in which God has called us, Paul continues on to discuss why he is so “hard over” on promoting singleness. Thru his words we get to see the center of his urgings and the truth that he founds them upon. “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (1 Corinthians 7:28). In his usual manner Paul doesn’t mess around with buttering up his message, but simply tells us straight out what he is getting at: marriage will bring many troubles and responsibilities to our life and Paul wants to spare us from that. Considering the fact that Paul speaks so highly of marriage in many of his other letters this statement may seem very strange to us. We must ask, what exactly is Paul saying here? What is the heart of the message he is trying to tell us?
Paul continues: “What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them” (1 Corinthians 7:29-31). Here Paul calls us to live our lives “opposite” of the way they are, saying such bold things as: “those who have wives should live as if they had none.” What on earth could Paul be saying here? Is he asking us to abandon our family and current situation? Isn’t that in direct contradiction to how he just implored us to remain in the calling God has given us? Doesn’t this calling include being a spouse and parent? Paul’s next words give us the big clue we need: “For this world in its present form is passing away” (1 Corinthians 7:31). Buried in these few words is the first hint to what Paul is saying. He is urging us to abandon our love of this world for there is a real danger in our idolatrous obsession with the things of this life (mammon!) that are ultimately just passing away. Jesus Christ spoke of the very same thing: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19-21). The Apostle John also spoke very directly about this love of the world: “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever” (1 John 2:15-17). Therefore Paul is really urging us to free ourselves from the unhealthy attachments that the things of this life create. Yes, that even includes spouse and children. Does this mean we abandon our responsibility to them or stop caring for them? Certainly not.
Let us see what else Paul has to say: “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34). Paul understands how the responsibilities and pressures of having to care for a spouse and a family make our concerns very focused on this life and its affairs. When we have a family to care for there is a real temptation to give all our devotion to them, pulling us away from our devotion to Christ. This is the heart of Paul’s concern. “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35). Paul doesn’t want to restrict us, but he also doesn’t want the troubles of this life pulling us away from the Lord; he cares far more about our faith than our earthly desires and situations. Paul is concerned that the worries, responsibilities, pleasures, and pressures of this life will choke out the faith that the Word of God has planted in our hearts. These worries and responsibilities are thorns to our faith that can be very dangerous and deadly if not approached properly. Christ Himself spoke of them: “The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature” (Luke 8:14). Therefore Paul is not raging against the blessing of marriage, but he is trying to protect us from the stumbling blocks that exist within the responsibilities of marriage (and within the worldly responsibilities of this life in general). As we spoke of before there is a real temptation for Christians to unwittingly have their faith choked by marriage and family (or even the desire thereof, as we put off living for today focusing on some self-conceived pipedream of the future). These wonderful blessings (marriage and family) that have been given to us by God are transformed thru our sin into thorns and idols which strangle the Word of God in our life.
The key to further understanding Paul’s concern lies in the call of Christ: “‘Come, follow me,’ Jesus said, ‘and I will make you fishers of men.’ At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him” (Matthew 4:19-22). “He said to another man, ‘Follow me.’ But the man replied, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’ Still another said, ‘I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good bye to my family.’ Jesus replied, ‘No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God’” (Luke 9:59-62). The call of Christ is irrevocable, sudden, and requires total devotion. “God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). The call of Christ demands that we immediately drop and leave everything behind in order to exclusively follow Him now (not later, but now). However, as we have seen earlier thru Paul’s words this does not mean we abandon the specific area and roles we have been called to in this life; it instead means that we abandon all our idolatries and internal attachments to this world, willingly going wherever God desires and giving up everything He asks. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote: “The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world. It is that dying of the old man which is the result of his encounter with Christ. As we embark upon discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with His death—we give over our lives to death…Only the man who is dead to his own will can follow Christ. In fact every command of Jesus is a call to die, with all our affections and lusts.” This means that we must internally let go and detach from mother, father, wife, and even our own children for the sake of Jesus Christ. This therefore indicates that we are to completely detach ourselves from every single thing that was ever important to us and put that love and devotion into Jesus Christ alone. Let us reflect on Christ’s own powerful words: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). Christ actually calls us to hate (yes hate!) our father, mother, wife, and children, saying that we cannot be His disciple if we do not do so. What on earth does He mean by that? Isn’t He the One who called us to love all men, even our enemies? If we investigate the Scriptures we will see that this “hate” means that we are to give up all the idolatrous love we have; we are to cease giving the love that belongs to God to our family (or anyone or anything else!), refocusing it on Christ. God alone should be the complete focus of our devotion and love: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind” (Luke 10:27). It is only thru total devotion to God thru Jesus Christ that we can then begin to understand how the second great commandment fits in: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). Loving our neighbors, families, and enemies is not the same love, devotion, worship, and adoration that belong to God alone. This love of neighbor is a bearing and caring of our fellow man that is a result of the love of God that is created in our hearts thru the redeeming work of Jesus Christ crucified.
Without further elaboration on this main point (because he will come back to it several times) Paul continues: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). In the face of the great sexual immorality that was taking place in Corinth (even within the church), Paul urges the Corinthians to strict monogamy within God’s plan of marriage. Because sexual desires were raging uncontrolled Paul feels the best course of action is for each Corinthian to take one wife or husband. In order to quell the rabid lusts of the Corinthians Paul goes on to stress the importance of husband and wife coming together sexually so that they do not have unfulfilled desires to lead them astray and into sin: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Because Paul realized the lack of self-control among the Corinthians (and among us!) he urges them to recognize that within marriage our bodies are no longer our own, they also belong to our spouse. Therefore sex must never, ever be used as a “weapon.” A spouse must never conditionally withhold sex in order to have control in the relationship by using it as a sort of “bargaining chip.” By joining in marriage we automatically consent for our bodies to be at the “disposal” of our spouse in order to fulfill their sexual needs. This does not mean that physical abuse or rabid insatiable lust is “ok” within marriage, but it simply means that one’s spouse is to be the lone, unconditional, and consistent “outlet” for sexual urges (obviously staying within moderation and temperance). In order to be crystal clear to his greater point Paul states that his urging of each person to have their own spouse is only a concession (due to sin) and not a command. “I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (1 Corinthians 7:6-7). Paul’s first desire is that we should be single as he is, having the gift of sexual self-control from God. Paul wants us to know that marriage is not a command from God, but that it is a gift (the Greek word for gift means “a favor which one receives without any merit of his own”) along with being single. This means that according to Paul (the Scriptures!) there are simply two “options” and “gifts” for the follower of Christ in this realm: a monogamous, lifelong marriage or complete and total chastity (which he urges in his main point). Therefore we must not think that we “have to” get married in order to be pleasing to God. Often times the pressures from society and “Christian culture” make us believe that marriage (and having a family) is the only acceptable and God-pleasing status, when in reality singleness is a specific and blessed gift that is also given by God above. One of the greatest idolatries in the Christian world comes in the form of spouse and children, as people either covet and desire to have these relationships (more than God Himself!) or hold the ones that they do have in higher priority than Christ. So many people say God comes before family, but in reality this is only lip-service, for their true god is their family (but more on this later).
Continuing on Paul speaks directly to those who have not married and to those whose spouse has died: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:8). Paul once again reiterates that it is good to remain single and unmarried. The Greek for “good” means “praiseworthy, excellent in its nature, genuine, approved, beautiful by reason of purity of heart and life, honorable, commendable, and admirable.” This means that singleness is not just “another lifestyle choice” but is in fact highly regarded and esteemed by God. Jesus Christ Himself taught that one who can accept renouncing marriage and sexual relations for the kingdom of heaven should do so: “The disciples said to him, ‘If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.’ Jesus replied, ‘Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it’” (Matthew 19:10-12). From Christ’s words we can clearly see that some people have been given the word and gift of God to renounce marriage so that they may fully devote themselves to the Lord (Paul touches on these benefits later on this chapter), and therefore those who have been given this word should accept it with praise and thanksgiving. The prophet Isaiah also spoke of the special promise God has given to eunuchs (those without spouse, child, or sexual relations): “This is what Yahweh says: ‘To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose what pleases me and hold fast to my covenant—to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off’” (Isaiah 56:4-5). Therefore it is imperative for us to recognize the special honor that God holds for those who renounce sexual relations and marriage for the sake of the kingdom. God truly has a special place for those who willingly give up having spouse, children, and a loving family situation in order to serve God with complete focus.
However we must also be careful to realize that this call to singleness is not for everyone or given to everyone; Paul therefore gives an important caveat in which marriage is indeed the better choice: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). It is always a better choice to get married and remain in a monogamous relationship than to practice promiscuous sexual behavior and immorality. Paul specifically uses the word “burn” here for a couple reasons: 1) to describe the raging sexual lusts of the flesh that lead so many to sexual deviance 2) “burn” is also used in order to illustrate what will happen if we continue in our sexual immorality and passionate lusts; that is, we will burn in the fires of eternal punishment. This is some heavy law from Paul, as he intends to make sure that we clearly see the true sinfulness and depravity of our sexual lust and immorality. He wants us to make sure that we do not renounce marriage if we cannot control our sexual desires thru God’s daily gift and grace of self-control. It is far worse to try to renounce marriage (when one has not been given that gift or calling) and then fall into depravity than to get married in order to have an outlet for one’s sexual urgings. Therefore let us pray that thru the cross of Christ (which saves us from and forgives all our sexual deviance) that we hear the Word and call of God in our life, accepting either the monogamous, lifelong marriage He has given us (remaining faithful and controlled within it), or relying daily on the sufficient grace of God to keep us firm in our stand and battle for complete chastity. “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
Thru all the previous discussion on the blessedness of singleness we must not think that Paul is belittling the institution of marriage. God Himself instituted and gave us the gift of marriage even before man fell into sin, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), creating woman specifically to be a suitable helper of man: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Paul himself also spoke of how forbidding marriage is a sign of false teachings and lies: “The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth” (1 Timothy 4:1-3). Therefore Paul continues on in his letter to the Corinthians by addressing those who have been given the special gift of marriage: “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). Paul specifically starts out by declaring that what he is saying is not his own advice but is in fact the very command of the Lord Himself: Do not divorce. Paul also states (in accordance with the teaching of Christ) that if separation or divorce does occur that the partner who leaves or separates must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to their spouse. In short, one must not leave their spouse in order to marry another; no matter how much we don’t “like” or are annoyed at our marriage that is never, ever an excuse to separate or divorce. In his letter to the Romans Paul speaks of how death is the only God-pleasing way in which we are released from the bondage of marriage: “By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man” (Romans 7:2-3). Being that we are bound for life thru marriage and that it is not absolved thru any whim or choice of man, adultery becomes the subsequent result and consequence of remarriage. God does not desire for us to have multiple spouses or partners in life, He desires a single lifelong marriage between husband and wife. We must get thru our stubborn heads that marriage is for life, and that the words “till death do us part” are meant to represent this desire of God. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). An old Russian proverb illustrates how seriously we need to take the bond of marriage (because God does!): “Before embarking on a journey, pray once. Before leaving for war, pray twice. But before you marry, pray three times!”
In the Gospels of Mark and Luke we see Christ’s strong words against divorce and the destruction of marriage: “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Luke 16:18). However, in Matthew’s Gospel Christ does make one “exception” to this rule and it is revealed in the most detail during a conversation with the Pharisees who were trying to trap Him. The Pharisees asked Christ: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” (Matthew 19:3). Christ replied: “Haven't you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:4-6). Jesus responds in the same way that we all should to all questions, by quoting the Scriptures. Thru His quotes Christ shows that the Scriptures declare that marriage is God’s institution that is meant to be a lifelong union. If God has joined a man and woman in marriage then we must not separate and destroy that union. Not happy with this response the Pharisees continued: “Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” (Matthew 19:7). Jesus replied: “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9). Divorce was permitted in the old covenant only because of the hardened hearts of the Israelites; it was not permitted because it was God-pleasing. God Himself has declared once and for all: “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16). This stands for all time and for all situations; even if God allows divorce as an option in certain circumstances, it doesn’t mean He likes divorce. Christ however speaks of an exception when divorce is “optional” in the eyes of God when He says “except for marital unfaithfulness.” This exception means simply this: the party that is deserted and betrayed thru adultery is allowed the concession of divorce. Does this mean that divorce is “God-pleasing” in this circumstance? No, it simply means that God allows for a man or woman to divorce their spouse where their spouse has broken the marriage vow and joined themselves in fornication with another person. In the Sermon on the Mount we see this exception reiterated: “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). Does this mean that God desires divorce? Absolutely not. He simply is allowing the party that was betrayed to remove themselves from the marriage, if such an act is deemed necessary.
Continuing on Paul speaks to the situation where a believer and an unbeliever are joined in marriage. Paul starts out this section by stating that the Lord has not specifically addressed this topic. However, being that Paul is in fact the called Apostle of Jesus Christ we can thoroughly trust his judgment and advice while he speaks under the drawing along of the Holy Spirit (which he testifies to at the end of the chapter). “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him” (1 Corinthians 7:12-13). Paul urges anyone who is married to remain so, even if they are not married to a fellow believer. This recommendation testifies to how highly God feels towards the lifelong union of marriage, for He desires the marriage bond to remain even when both partners are not followers of Christ. This also reiterates that divorce must never occur for our own man-made reasons, as the Corinthians were clearly trying to weasel out of their marriages using the excuse that their spouses were unbelievers. This is clearly not an acceptable reason for divorce in God’s eyes.
Paul then goes on to explain why this union of marriage should remain: “For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:14-16). Thru the influence, actions, words, and quiet witness of the believing spouse the unbelieving spouse (and children!) may be touched by the grace of God revealed thru them. It is for this reason that one should make every effort to remain within any marriage. However if the unbeliever leaves and deserts us (this desertion does include cases of physical abuse, for clearly one who abuses their spouse has already deserted them) we should let them go, for there is no use trying to force someone to remain in a marriage when they have clearly abandoned all effort towards it. Does this mean that the believer who is abandoned is free to remarry just like the one who is betrayed and cheated thru adultery? Yes, it means that if a person is maliciously deserted by their spouse that they are freed from the bond of marriage. It is very important to note that this is in truth the same exception that Christ made in the Gospel of Matthew. The exception for adultery (marital unfaithfulness) is at its core the same exception as malicious desertion. They both simply mean this: If one is abandoned in their marriage against their will, by way of their spouse committing adultery or through malicious desertion, then they are given the concession to free themselves of this marriage bond. Does this mean they should divorce? Absolutely not, they should always first try to save the marriage. Does this mean they should remarry in the event of divorce? Absolutely not, God’s will and Word must be explored before diving into another marriage. In fact we see Paul throughout this chapter urging those who are single to remain so if at all possible. However, those who are abandoned or betrayed thru adultery are free to divorce and remarry if it is in fact God’s will for their life. The key is to truly seek God’s will for the situation and not to selfishly do what is “easy” or what our flesh desires. To fully understand this we need to look at God Himself and the example He has set. Looking to the words of the prophet Jeremiah we see that God in fact “divorced” Israel and all of mankind because of our unfaithfulness, desertion, and rejection of Him: “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries…like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel” (Jeremiah 3:8, 20). Because of our adulteries towards Him, God rightfully and justly divorced us so that we would see the error of our ways, punishing and breaking down our self-righteousness with His law. Did God remarry? No. God graciously and undeservingly reconciled the marriage thru His Son Jesus Christ, bringing back us adulterous and rebellious sinners into His loving arms and relationship without any work of our own. “‘Return, faithless people,’ declares Yahweh, ‘for I am your husband. I will choose you’” (Jeremiah 3:14). It is this great example of grace and forgiveness seen in the Cross of Jesus Christ that should be our guide and focus at all times. We should therefore approach all our relationships and searching for God’s will with this in mind. Let us pray that as we rely on the loving reconciliation that Christ has done for us on the cross that we too reach out to reconcile all the broken relationships in our lives with the grace and forgiveness He has given us thru our Baptism. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-27).
Having discussed the tough subject of divorce, Paul continues on to discuss how each one of us should remain in the place we have been called to: “Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches” (1 Corinthians 7:17). It is a very real temptation for us as Christians to try and break away from the situation we have been placed in and called to in life. We think that because of the great internal transformation that has taken place in Christ Jesus that we need to somehow exercise this transformation outwardly by changing our life circumstances. Paul therefore urges us to not get carried away by trying to do something radical or fanatical, falsely thinking that is what Christ demands. “Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts” (1 Corinthians 7:18-19). The call and grace of Christ given thru His Word and Baptism is what matters. After we have received this call our situation and the other peripherals of our circumstances don’t really matter. What matters is that thru the cross and the grace given us thru the call of Christ that we live for God’s will and commands today, relying on what Christ has already done once and for all on our behalf. “Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave” (1 Corinthians 7:20-22). By using slaves as an example (because of all people they should truly desire to change their circumstances!) Paul illustrates how we should view our situation in life. We should be content with the fact that no matter our station or blessings (or perceived lack thereof) in this life that we are the richest men in the world because of the cross. Remember Paul’s words to the Corinthians earlier in this letter? “Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich!” (1 Corinthians 4:8). We don’t need to get out of the perceived dregs of this life because we already have the immeasurable and incomparable hope and promise of eternal bliss thru Jesus Christ! However, if a change of situation does present itself and it is in accordance with God’s will (after much prayer and searching of God’s Word) then we should follow it wholeheartedly, realizing that God sometimes calls us to big changes and moves in our life. “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’” (Isaiah 30:21).
Paul continues on: “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to” (1 Corinthians 7:23-24). Paul’s overarching point that we need to grasp is that Christ has reconciled all things (ourselves included) to the Father thru His blood and therefore we do not have to do anything radical to be in a right standing with God. We don’t have to run off, sell everything, and become a monk in order to please God; Jesus Christ has already done all the necessary work on our behalf. One of the most important “rediscoveries” during the Reformation was the re-realization that according to the Scriptures we don’t have to all be monks, priests, or nuns in order to please God. God has called men to all different types of jobs, stations, and walks of life so that we can serve Him in the small area and bubble that He has specifically given to us. God has given us the specific gifts and situation in which we reside because He desires a witness of His love in that very situation. Only you are in the exact calling and place that you currently occupy (along with the exact gifts and talents you have been given!) and therefore God wants (and needs) to use you there for His purposes in Jesus Christ. If we run away from where we have been placed and called then we will be abandoning an area where God desires us to be a witness for Him.
With this in mind Paul continues: “Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned” (1 Corinthians 7:25-28). Paul doesn’t want us to try and change our situation, he wants us to be content with what God has given us as we work for His glory there. If God wants us to move in life and to change callings then God will make it happen. We however must not try to control our life, we need to surrender it completely into the hands of God. “Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is Yahweh’s purpose that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21). Dietrich Bonhoeffer spoke of how no amount of our own fanatical choices and living can accomplish God’s will and how we must rely on the call of Christ that comes thru the cross: “If a drunkard signs the pledge, or a rich man gives all his money away, they are both of them freeing themselves from their slavery to alcohol or riches, but not from bondage to themselves. They are still moving in their own little orbit, perhaps even more than they were before. They are still subject to the commandment of works, still as submerged in the death of the old life as they were before…Obedience to the call of Jesus never lies within our own power. If, for instance, we give away all our possessions, that is not in itself the obedience He demands. In fact such a step might be the precise opposite of obedience to Jesus, for we might be choosing a way of life for ourselves, some Christian ideal, or some ideal of Franciscan poverty. Indeed the very act of giving away his goods a man can give allegiance to himself and to an ideal and not to the command of Jesus. He is not set free from his own self but still more enslaved to himself. The step into the situation where faith is possible is not an offer which we can make to Jesus, but always His gracious offer to us. Only when the step is taken in this spirit is it admissible. But in that case we cannot speak of a freedom of choice on our part.” Thru these powerful words from Bonhoeffer we can see how the call of Christ and the station which we have been given in life is where God wants us to be and to remain until “further notice.” We are not here to control what happens in our life, we are here to simply listen to the call of Christ thru the Word of God. God doesn’t want us to make a “call” of our own, He wants us to eagerly wait for His call ready to answer with the words of Isaiah: “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8). Therefore Paul is urging the Corinthians (and us) to rest content on God and His promises and call. It is only in the grace of Christ that we can be perfectly satisfied, happy, content, and fulfilled in the “here and now”, in the place we have been called to today. If we are unfulfilled we can be assured that it is not because of our external situation, it is the void deep in our heart that is caused by sin. Why do we think that if we are currently unsatisfied that some outward circumstance will miraculously change our discontentment? No amount of change in our outward life can change and fulfill what only God’s grace can. The Scriptures are clear: only Jesus Christ can fill the void and emptiness that haunts the inner depths of our souls. “The fear of Yahweh leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble” (Proverbs 19:23). “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5). It is on the promise of Jesus Christ that we must fall, giving our entire lives into His hands to hold in safekeeping. Bonhoeffer spoke of this confidence that is found in the cross: “If we fall into the hands of men, and meet suffering and death from their violence, we are none the less certain that everything comes from God. The same God who sees no sparrow fall to the ground without His knowledge and will, allows nothing to happen, except it be good and profitable for His children and the cause for which they stand. We are in God’s hands. Therefore, ‘Fear not.’” Like Bonhoeffer we know that God works all things to our good and benefit; He is the One in control. “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Therefore let us pray that like the Apostle Paul we learn thru Jesus Christ to be content in every situation and circumstance of this life, remaining and working in the place of our calling while resting on the power and strength that comes thru the grace of the cross. “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11-13).
Having taught us the importance of remaining in the situation in which God has called us, Paul continues on to discuss why he is so “hard over” on promoting singleness. Thru his words we get to see the center of his urgings and the truth that he founds them upon. “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (1 Corinthians 7:28). In his usual manner Paul doesn’t mess around with buttering up his message, but simply tells us straight out what he is getting at: marriage will bring many troubles and responsibilities to our life and Paul wants to spare us from that. Considering the fact that Paul speaks so highly of marriage in many of his other letters this statement may seem very strange to us. We must ask, what exactly is Paul saying here? What is the heart of the message he is trying to tell us?
Paul continues: “What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them” (1 Corinthians 7:29-31). Here Paul calls us to live our lives “opposite” of the way they are, saying such bold things as: “those who have wives should live as if they had none.” What on earth could Paul be saying here? Is he asking us to abandon our family and current situation? Isn’t that in direct contradiction to how he just implored us to remain in the calling God has given us? Doesn’t this calling include being a spouse and parent? Paul’s next words give us the big clue we need: “For this world in its present form is passing away” (1 Corinthians 7:31). Buried in these few words is the first hint to what Paul is saying. He is urging us to abandon our love of this world for there is a real danger in our idolatrous obsession with the things of this life (mammon!) that are ultimately just passing away. Jesus Christ spoke of the very same thing: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19-21). The Apostle John also spoke very directly about this love of the world: “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever” (1 John 2:15-17). Therefore Paul is really urging us to free ourselves from the unhealthy attachments that the things of this life create. Yes, that even includes spouse and children. Does this mean we abandon our responsibility to them or stop caring for them? Certainly not.
Let us see what else Paul has to say: “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34). Paul understands how the responsibilities and pressures of having to care for a spouse and a family make our concerns very focused on this life and its affairs. When we have a family to care for there is a real temptation to give all our devotion to them, pulling us away from our devotion to Christ. This is the heart of Paul’s concern. “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35). Paul doesn’t want to restrict us, but he also doesn’t want the troubles of this life pulling us away from the Lord; he cares far more about our faith than our earthly desires and situations. Paul is concerned that the worries, responsibilities, pleasures, and pressures of this life will choke out the faith that the Word of God has planted in our hearts. These worries and responsibilities are thorns to our faith that can be very dangerous and deadly if not approached properly. Christ Himself spoke of them: “The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature” (Luke 8:14). Therefore Paul is not raging against the blessing of marriage, but he is trying to protect us from the stumbling blocks that exist within the responsibilities of marriage (and within the worldly responsibilities of this life in general). As we spoke of before there is a real temptation for Christians to unwittingly have their faith choked by marriage and family (or even the desire thereof, as we put off living for today focusing on some self-conceived pipedream of the future). These wonderful blessings (marriage and family) that have been given to us by God are transformed thru our sin into thorns and idols which strangle the Word of God in our life.
The key to further understanding Paul’s concern lies in the call of Christ: “‘Come, follow me,’ Jesus said, ‘and I will make you fishers of men.’ At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him” (Matthew 4:19-22). “He said to another man, ‘Follow me.’ But the man replied, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’ Still another said, ‘I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good bye to my family.’ Jesus replied, ‘No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God’” (Luke 9:59-62). The call of Christ is irrevocable, sudden, and requires total devotion. “God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). The call of Christ demands that we immediately drop and leave everything behind in order to exclusively follow Him now (not later, but now). However, as we have seen earlier thru Paul’s words this does not mean we abandon the specific area and roles we have been called to in this life; it instead means that we abandon all our idolatries and internal attachments to this world, willingly going wherever God desires and giving up everything He asks. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote: “The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is the call to abandon the attachments of this world. It is that dying of the old man which is the result of his encounter with Christ. As we embark upon discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with His death—we give over our lives to death…Only the man who is dead to his own will can follow Christ. In fact every command of Jesus is a call to die, with all our affections and lusts.” This means that we must internally let go and detach from mother, father, wife, and even our own children for the sake of Jesus Christ. This therefore indicates that we are to completely detach ourselves from every single thing that was ever important to us and put that love and devotion into Jesus Christ alone. Let us reflect on Christ’s own powerful words: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). Christ actually calls us to hate (yes hate!) our father, mother, wife, and children, saying that we cannot be His disciple if we do not do so. What on earth does He mean by that? Isn’t He the One who called us to love all men, even our enemies? If we investigate the Scriptures we will see that this “hate” means that we are to give up all the idolatrous love we have; we are to cease giving the love that belongs to God to our family (or anyone or anything else!), refocusing it on Christ. God alone should be the complete focus of our devotion and love: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind” (Luke 10:27). It is only thru total devotion to God thru Jesus Christ that we can then begin to understand how the second great commandment fits in: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). Loving our neighbors, families, and enemies is not the same love, devotion, worship, and adoration that belong to God alone. This love of neighbor is a bearing and caring of our fellow man that is a result of the love of God that is created in our hearts thru the redeeming work of Jesus Christ crucified.
Having shown us the dangers of being concerned with the world affairs, Paul continues on to summarize his thoughts on marriage thru a single example: “If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing” (1 Corinthians 7:36-37). In his summary on marriage Paul says that both the one who marries and the one who stays single do the right thing in God’s eyes, neither is sinning. However he goes on to qualify this statement in light of what he has said previously: “So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better” (1 Corinthians 7:38). Because the one who does not marry is free from some of the responsibilities and potential thorns of this life, Paul believes that this person does even better than the one who marries. Why? For thru their singleness they can turn their complete and undivided devotion to the kingdom, potentially serving the Lord in more undisrupted discipleship without being pulled in multiple directions by their family life. This does not mean marriage is a bad thing, it simply means that Paul believes that apart from marriage we are capable of being more unhindered in our devotion to God’s Word and mission in this life. In his final words Paul reminds us of the blessed, lifelong bond of marriage: “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 7:39-40). Here Paul also assures us that he is speaking by means of the Spirit of God. What he is saying is not some flippant human opinion, but it is the very Spirit of God speaking thru him. Therefore let us pray that we take all that he has said to heart (knowing that God called him to speak His very Word to us), looking first and last to the free grace, blessings, and promises we have thru Jesus Christ crucified. “Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life” (Matthew 19:29).
