“Family Values?” – Matthew 10:34-39

“I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother.’” “Christian family values”? “I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother.’”  Is this the Jesus we are familiar with—the Jesus our culture has told us about? I feel like we have been told: “The family that prays together, stays together”…right? Maybe I am crazy, but it sure sounds to me like Jesus in our text is saying that the family that prays together will be divided and torn apart. What on earth is going on here?

And what about the words that we hear from Moses and from Paul in his exhortations to the church in Ephesus, the words of the fourth commandment, “Honor your father and mother”? How are we to understand these words? Is Jesus calling us to ignore them? Is Jesus saying he is here to break this commandment?

Jesus’ own words from our text help bring some initial clarity. Carefully pay attention to the progression: Jesus, one-by-one, steps through the “big three” priorities in our life and once and for all establishes his rightful place. Listen: “Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me”—Jesus asserts his priority over the biological blood relation to your parents. Next—“anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me”—Jesus asserts his priority over the love and responsibilities toward your children, that is, your legacy.  And finally, just as we think he can’t get any more invasive—“anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me”—Jesus even asserts his priority over the survival and self-defense of your own life; he calls you to pick up a tool of execution and punishment and follow him to death. The words are hard, but the point is clear—Jesus’ claim upon your life will cut through even the strongest worldly, natural, and biological priorities.

So, today, the question is addressed to each one of us: Where have you placed family in your own life? Have you idolized your family? Have you placed your family before following Jesus? Have you missed the hard call of Jesus to leave everything—even your family—to follow him? I say we have. I say that in our culture, amongst Christians especially, we have placed the family in the place of God. Think of the group “Focus on the Family” or how being a Christian has somehow been watered down to beliefs on divorce, gay marriage, abortion, and traditional values. As important as those issues may be, why are Christians not more concerned about the first commandment of “You shall have no other gods before me” and Jesus’ call of “Go, sell your possessions and give to the poor…then come, follow me” (Matthew 19:21)?

According to Jesus it is not an issue of priorities—it is an issue of priority. God is not simply “number one” amongst others—God is all—God is everything—God stands alone. So often we make lists—in fact there is a placard in my house that does this very thing—it reads “Faith, family, friends.” Sure, we all place “God” or “faith” first on the list but this fails to appreciate the reality: nothing—nothing!—is worthy to even be on the same list, to be mentioned in the same breath. Jesus demands your all—he demands your entire life from beginning to end. His call will rock your world. It will shake you and your family and your entire life to the very core. Nothing will be untouched—everything will be overturned. There is certainly life, hope, and joy at the end of the day, but it has its costs—it will cost you everything you have—it will cost you your very life: “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Therefore, Jesus’ call will inevitably bring division to families and households. Those we love can’t stand being in “second place”—much less not even on the list. They want our love that belongs to God alone—they want us to hold onto this life and to fight for them with all that we have. And when Jesus steps in, calling for us to pick up our cross and follow him to death—we are torn. We have our priorities of this life—priorities of parents, friends, children, spouse, self—pulling on the one side and the priority of God pulling on the other—and only one can win. And I know what you’re probably thinking—because I am thinking it myself: “Can’t we have both things? Are God and family really opposed to each other?”

As much as we want both—it is not possible. We can only have one master. Listen to Jesus: “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Matthew 6:24).  Think of Abraham, he was faced with this issue in a real way. He was asked by God to sacrifice Isaac, his only son. That may be extreme, but I can guarantee you there will be points—some subtle, some not so subtle—where your loyalty to family and loyalty to God will be at odds. Where pressures from your family’s busy schedule will tempt you to come to church only every other week or once a month—where pressures for that family vacation and the new TV for the family room will encourage you to cut back on your giving at church—where family activities with sports and clubs will tempt you to be a “Sunday only” Christian that is too busy to serve during the week—where “social time” will help you rationalize why you don’t need to be in Bible class—and on and on and on. The time will come, sooner rather than later, when you will be forced to take sides—you will be forced to choose your master. And in that moment which will it be—family or God?

To side with God will be a very lonely path—but so is the world’s alternative of choosing family. People in this world are always trying to find purpose, meaning, love, and fulfillment in one another. Through biological bonds, through friendships, and through sex people try to connect directly to one another. But this inevitably fails—we see it every time. Trust is broken, hearts wander, feelings grow cold, betrayal occurs, and despite being surrounded by people and relationships we are left alone—utterly alone.

You’ve felt that feeling before. The feeling of being in a room full of your best friends and yet you feel distant, out of place, alone. The feeling of waking up every morning and having breakfast with the same people but knowing they have no idea who you really are. The feeling of spending everyday of your life with someone and yet they don’t “get you” or understand you at all. So many companions, so many people, and yet no true companionship.

Therefore Jesus’ call goes out to you today. Come, leave behind that empty life. Stop your pursuit of family, companionship, and community where it will inevitably fail. Come, follow Jesus—join him on his journey to the cross, on his journey of obedience to the one true Father, your Father in heaven.

It is only in light of this—your journey to the cross—that you can now understand what the commandment, “Honor your father and mother”, really means for you today. Why do you honor your parents? Why do you obey the authorities in your life? Because, in following Jesus, all your relationships have been redefined—they have been changed, they have been made real. In him you have found your true Father, your Father in heaven. You now see Jesus Christ in all your relationships. Jesus has inserted himself between you and every person and authority in your life. He stands between you and your friends—between you and your children—between you and your spouse—between you and your boss—between you and your government—between you and your pastor—between you and your parents. This is what it means for Jesus to be mediator. He is the lens through which you see your entire life and all your relationships—all of them! He is the one through whom you approach all people and all authorities.

Therefore, we obey our parents and the authorities in our life as though obeying the Lord—we obey out of honor to our Father, our Father in heaven. Paul understood this perfectly. Listen carefully to how he explains our obedience:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord….Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men” (Ephesians 6:1,5-7).

Through Jesus the true relationships you have been hopelessly seeking are now given to you as you leave everything to follow him. True, your old relationships may not recover. Your biological family may not be able to deal with your radical following of Jesus. Your friends may look down on you. Colleagues may scorn you. This is part of picking up your cross and following Jesus to death. But in following Jesus you are given back a new family—a true and whole family which is held together by God the Father. Listen to Jesus’ promise to you: “Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life” (Matthew 19:29).

You will receive far more than you left behind. This goes for both this life and the life to come after the resurrection of your body in Jesus Christ. “But how does this work in this life?”—you might ask. You can receive a hundred times more in this life because Jesus completely redefines family for you. He takes the old definition of blood relation and flips it on its head. We now find out that blood is not thicker than water—it turns out that water is thicker than blood. That is, baptism means much more than biological ties. Listen:

“While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, ‘Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.’ He replied to him, ‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother’” (Matthew 12:46-50).

That last line one more time: “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Through our baptisms, through our following of Jesus, we are transferred out of the family of the world into the family of God. This family is not defined by our biological bonds; it is defined by those who do the will of God, who is our true Father.

So, look around you—do it. This is your family. Look how many sisters, brothers, and mothers you have—and God is your Father! This is your community. This is your true family. Don’t overlook this blessing. Embrace it. See that in Jesus Christ you now have the family that will not abandon you or betray you.

The psalmist understood this. He saw the fickleness of his biological family, and in the Lord he saw the only one who is faithful and will never abandon you. Listen to his words: “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me” (Psalm 27:10). Indeed, even when those who you look to for security, care, and stability, like your parents, either pass away or abandon or betray you, you have one who is forever faithful. Through Jesus Christ you have a Father in heaven whom you honor, cherish, trust, and love more than any earthly parent. He has provided for you, cared for you, and walked with you everyday of your life up till today, even when you haven’t been aware of his presence. And he will continue to provide for you, care for you, and walk with you for the rest of this life as you obediently journey to the cross. And when your journey to the cross is complete he will guide you into the joyous life to come at the resurrection of your body.

So, come today, celebrate this family as we eat together and have community and communion with our Lord Jesus Christ and one another.

And to this great gift we say: Thanks be to God, who is our Father and who has given us a family, through Jesus Christ our Lord! Amen.